i get the idea that my need to PROGRESS in life inconveniences those who SUPPOSEDLY are SUPPOSED to be "supporting" ME. the fact that my family/support team isn't empathetic doesn't help either. empathy requires INTELLIGENCE.. so nuff said. NOT JUST assisting at their OWN damn convenience. (JOE IS THE ONLY RELATIVE WHO CONTINUES TO SUPPORT ME- NOT JUST BECAUSE OF MY GRANDMA) I HAVE A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY BUT I'VE ALREADY BUSTED MY ASS OFF IN REHAB. (AND A HUGE THANKS TO TRAM HOLLOWAY AND HIS ARP THERAPY- HE NEVER WAS CONCERNED ABOUT "LIABILITY" UNLIKE COURAGE KENNY WHO DID ADMIT TO ME STRAIGHT OUT THEY WERE CONCERNED ABOUT "LIABILITY" WHEN I WANTED TO SHOW THEM WHAT I WAS CAPABLE OF) i was lying in a coma at this time about TWENTY THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO. i'm NOT going BACK in my progress JUST for the convenience who only pay attention to me when it's beneficial and/or convenient for THEM even though this is MY life. just so amanda can look caring and supportive to her in-laws.. she must be really insecure for some reason. i mean- to depend on wanting to appear "supportive" of a relative who she never really speaks to.. she never really has in my whole life when i try to remember.. huh. my grandma just chose the relative who she thought could relate to me and understand where i'm coming from so she could advocate and help me to get somewhere in life where i feel truly happy and useful. which DOES NOT include some sad ass excuse of some rehab. institute who preys on unadvocated, vulnerable clients. it took me long enough to get outta my damn wheelchair UNTIL my grandma contacted TRAM HOLLOWAY and he hooked me up to his ARP therapy *gasp* WHERE DO YOU THINK I GOT THE AMBULATION FROM?! you're stupider than i thought if you REALLY think it came from courage kenny (where they discouraged me coming to the fitness center without my walker, trekking poles, or something else to assist me in walking so people would THINK they were still ACTUALLY helping some disabled twit with rehabilitation).
i was thinking about this recent job at home 2 suites that i THOUGHT i'd be working.. the guy training me didn't really have patience. probably because old people really don't have time to be patient.. even when a person is REALLY trying their best. i'm pretty sure a big reason why i decided not to work that job was because of the environment and unsupportive co-workers. i tried to stick it out but i didn't wanna slow anyone down or get in the way while i was still learning. they didn't seem so understanding either. my job coach didn't try to think much about me not having the desire to work there and just told me the next time she'd be at my place to have a session because all i remember her telling me was the next time she'd see me. i'm pretty sure i was going slower because i didn't wanna get hurt. then i get insulted by the guy training me for going so slow. i obviously would've gained speed and worked quicker as i started to get comfortable working. plus- this was my first time working in the hospitality industry really. so i was trying to be cautious at first.. then i hoped to get quicker but i found that to be difficult with the impatience and lack of understanding by co-workers. it just didn't seem like the correct hotel to be working at specifically. HOPEFULLY i find a different more accepting environment to work in. just gotta keep trying. i'll eventually find the right fit. i don't think it's really logical to put a worker (who has experience in other jobs) in jobs that could be hazardous to them or hurt them just because they need the position filled, when there are workers working the same job (a different position) who have already proved that they can work safe. call it seniority or wtf you want but maybe they'd get more work done if they moved the workers to positions they could actually work safely?! maybe i'm just being selfish and purposely accomodating to my needs when they could have worked there longer.. so it's proven to work? i could've tried to stick it out a little longer but i was just listening to the frustration of the co-workers and i didn't wanna slow them down.. even if i would've probably got faster at what i did and they could've at least considered to move me to a position i'd be faster at working.. especially since one of the front desk girls told me they needed help on weekends in particular.
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